what if i forgave myself?

What if I forgave myself? I thought. What if I forgave myself even though I'd done something I shouldn't have? What if I was a liar and a cheat and there was no excuse for what I'd done other than because it was what I wanted and needed to do? What if I was sorry, but if I could go back in time I wouldn't do anything differently than I had done? What if I'd actually wanted to have sex with every one of those men? What if heroin taught me something? What if yes was the right answer instead of no? What if what made me do all those things everyone thought I shouldn't have done was what also had got me here? What if I was never redeemed? What if I already was?     Sheryl Strayed "The Wild"

i have worked so hard at forgiving everyone else. i forgot to truly forgive myslef. i always say i didn't have to learn the way i did, but i'm gald i learned. today i release even the hint of guilt within that thought. i embrace my path and the redeemer. forgetting the notion that i need, needed a reedemer, or found/journeyed towards redemption. i already was. in it all.

 redeemed. fully beloved. 

today i look back on myself as redeemed. and forgive myself fully. until i no longer need too.  i'm going to get in the way of beauty. because i am beautiful.

sitting lightly

"You have a deep connection to your spirituality, it sits very lightly on you. You give it away so freely that even those without faith feel at ease and invited by the freedom."
- unknown man to me

i don't think there is a compliment that would have made me happier. my freedom is beginning to sing. my faith is getting its voice back. my worlds are converging. i am grateful. i am actually thrilled, the journey has been worth it and in rushes more freedom to live and move, pray and seek, to be...

there are still questions in my mind...but i am open to those. holding them, lightly--but open to the answers. i love emerging into the depth where it sits lightly and invites others to be a part.

amen, amen.