what if i forgave myself?

What if I forgave myself? I thought. What if I forgave myself even though I'd done something I shouldn't have? What if I was a liar and a cheat and there was no excuse for what I'd done other than because it was what I wanted and needed to do? What if I was sorry, but if I could go back in time I wouldn't do anything differently than I had done? What if I'd actually wanted to have sex with every one of those men? What if heroin taught me something? What if yes was the right answer instead of no? What if what made me do all those things everyone thought I shouldn't have done was what also had got me here? What if I was never redeemed? What if I already was?     Sheryl Strayed "The Wild"

i have worked so hard at forgiving everyone else. i forgot to truly forgive myslef. i always say i didn't have to learn the way i did, but i'm gald i learned. today i release even the hint of guilt within that thought. i embrace my path and the redeemer. forgetting the notion that i need, needed a reedemer, or found/journeyed towards redemption. i already was. in it all.

 redeemed. fully beloved. 

today i look back on myself as redeemed. and forgive myself fully. until i no longer need too.  i'm going to get in the way of beauty. because i am beautiful.